Today onwards I shall work hard for my portfolio. I shall not bother so much of anything that is happening around me. I shall not entertain those who do not appreciate me.

I have nothing, no family, no love, no more. Get me my work.

Maybe I am sensitive, I can't feel your love anymore. Not passionate, not happy, we are just two statues that are forced to hold on together.

Mild depression.

If I am given a chance to turn back to the past, from where I decided to enter into my mum's and be her child, from the time I decided to be borned from this Lee family, will I want it?

Yesterday was a bad day. Really sucks. I hate it to the max to your balls!

In the noon, I went to the bus stop to travel to interchange. Guess who I saw? That moronic Mui Hua. Then I was thinking, "I am going to Temasek Polytechnic, and she is going to Si Mei ITE(She's with her school uniform), that means we are going to take the same bus again?"

Yes. I am 101% right. She queued right behind me. That isn't the worse.

At night, on my way home. Mr Lee usually will fetch me from a bus stop. But he was with his friend happily singing karaoke, so I went home alone.

When I reach the void deck, I saw Mui Hua AGAIN. Rub my eyes, with unbelief, OMG. It's her again. And I saw her friend, Angel, sitting at the bench puffing smoke away.. I don't take her as eye-sore, so I smile at her.

I walked directly to the lift and looked for my key. To what I expect, no key again. I rang Mui Khim and asked her to open the door for me. While searching for her in my phonebook, I saw one STINKY OLD BASTARD MAN looking at me lecherously with a smile from the reflected image through the lift glass. I try to tell myself, "Hey, maybe he's just out to ask for help. Perhaps directions to which block number?"

He asked, "Are you from China?"

Hey, damn fucking pissed off. There are huge number of chee bai china women selling their bodies at the area I stay. Fucking cheap and slutty. How cheap? To the price range of $20-$50. How I know about the price? Tell you more later.

Then I responded, "GO AWAY!" In mandarin, with that very calm and fierce look.

He opened his eyes big and started ranting something, I only heard "shit" from him.

Then I repeated, "GO AWAY!"

All the while is in mandarin.

Then I was on the phone, asking Mui Khim to open the door, she heard me saying "Go away!" for two times. I told Mui Khim to open the door through the phone.

That old ugly bastard stood aside waiting to see which level I am going. I looked at him, then stared away. A man entered the lift with me and therefore I felt more safe.

While the old ugly bastard was looking at me, I heard Angel calling for me, "Girl, girl..." I ignored. Because I expect her to be asking about the relationship between me and Mui Hua. She is not a bad person. But honestly speaking, who the fuck are you to interfere our family problem?


I complained to dad and Mr Lee. Guess how they respond? "Can you not respond to such person? What if he see you again next time and do something hurtful to you?"

HEY! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR!

I don't blame that old horny aids bastard for taking me as china prostitude IF I WEAR LIKE A LOOSE WOMAN. The point is, I wore long sleeves knitted clothes with a black skinny jeans! I carried a office-like bag and heels on my feet. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME, WHICH PART OF ME TELL YOU THAT THIS GIRL IS THE LOW AND CHEAP CHINA WOMAN?

Your old penis tells you to open your eyes big. Fucking jerk. How much I wish that your daughter will be treated like a loose woman in the public and people started to squeeze their penis into your daughter's vagina in public area! How honoured you will feel.


Town council should do something? I called to complained about the rats. At first there are lots of cockroaches crawling around, as if they are human beings! They are not afraid of human AT ALL! Soon, rats disaster! Lots of rats running about as if they are CATS! And believe it or not, some brainless morons feed the rats together with those cats. Hey, town council did nothing. I only heard fucking rude tone through the phone, saying "Ok madam we will do our job, I have taken down what your complaint is about."
Eh, fuck off, tell me why is the rat hole still as big. And tell me why it got extended all the way to another side of bush?


Now in the grasses, you can even find leech. Best of best, we paid for the tax is for cleaniness isn't it? The whatever fee that government charge us? Why are there so many scary creatures working with us??


Worse, allows prostitution to happen at people's staying areas! GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY AND BE FUCKED BY YOUR COUNTRY MEN, A-MAN.

Students around being taken as prostitudes. Woah, I am really really pissed off about it.


About the price range of prostitution, my sister was asked for "price" before. It was an indian man who cannot communicates in English. Trying to follow us home and kept saying and also using his fingers to tell us the amount. "20? 50?"
That time we were using the water at the void deck to clean our dog. It's 20cents for the water to run for certain litres of water. We thought the man was asking how much is the water. So we said 20cents and even do handsigns for him to understand. Then he thought we were refering to our sex rate! WOW $20, TWO GIRLS, GOOD FOR HIM!
He pointed at me and my sisters, and do the handsign saying 2 and 0. WTF? WHO WANTS YOUR SERVICE? YOU AIDS RAT.




One disappointment yesterday was, I hate myself sometimes for trying to look strong. I will never make myself look sorry in front of anyone. I think, to Mr Lee, I am strong. I am not afraid of anyone/anything.

He got to know a bunch of friends, mostly malaysian. They became sports-mates. After some time, they decided to work together because one of them is a boss. Then they became friends. They have breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper together, they go to karaoke occassionally, they play sports together.

I do not restrict him of having friends. It's good to have friends, isn't it? I do leave him alone sometimes over my friends and he felt neglected. Somehow this is how I feel now.

He will never let me to go home myself. Yesterday he did. Usually he will just put down whatever he has and come all the way to fetch me home. I guess he really thinks I can be very independent.

I am. But I still need you.

Tasks to do:

Appointment for wisdom tooth extraction
Meetup to Prudential lady
Complete P3 round 3
Start CDI








Amaze amaze, amazed by my really suck attitude towards punctuality. To that means, I hate myself. My lesson starts at 12pm, yet I go out from my home at 12pm. Do I even care to respect my lecturers and classmates. What am I taking school as? A playground? Game area?

Shock shock and shock, shocked by the chosen candidates for CDI projects. It's definitely not my idea to take CDI projects. Well, I have no intention to have my attachment to be posted at oversea. So why will I ask for CDI projects? This beautiful incident happen so happening.














One day, Hana decided to use CDI projects to support her to go to oversea for her SIP. She decided to join the CDI projects. Unfortunately, she hates to be alone, so she asked me along. And yep, I am alright to take the project with her, but that does not mean I want to go oversea.

In order to take the CDI project, you need to go under interview and see if the lecturers think you are fit/suit to take up this challenge. Both of us were too busy and also lazy, to go for the interview, so we dropped the idea of joining.

Today, one fine day. I received message from classmate that I am chosen for CDI project. That meant to be a congratulation thing, I should feel happy.

WAIT WAIT WAIT. When did I say I want to take CDI project? Then I recall of last time, which of a few months back ago? I promised to go with Hana. Yet she was not chosen and I thought not going for interview means not going to take the project anymore. And please, people, congratulate ME. I got it.

Am not unhappy with it, am not happy with it either.

My mind just couldn't shuffle to the normal mode, it's still in a mist. "What happen?"

Huh? CDI project? Me?

Not trying to feel inferior, but I don't think I am that capable enough. But chill, this is a group work. I won't let the rest to work on it while I slack away.













This is a god damn easy malu question. Why easy? It's set in PSLE 2009 Mathematics paper. Why malu? Because even a JC student cannot work it out. And for me, I worked for the past half an hour and decided to give up. To think of it again, I actually have worked it out correctly BUT WITH CARELESS MISTAKE! So I did not get the answer. It is really easy, I swear. But don't panic.













Here we go.
Jim bought chocolates and gave half to Ken.
Ken bought sweets and gave half to Jim.
Jim ate 12 of his sweets while Ken ate 18 of his chocolates.
The ratio of Jim's sweet to chocolate becomes 1:7 and Ken's become 1:4.
How many sweets were there initially?













Answer: 68 sweets.













Methods? Will be announced that next. Keep you hanging. HAHAHA.
Hint: Model drawing

Is that a jealous? Why am I thinking of the past and feel that she does not fit to be treated that way? She is in replace of me in your heart, just a substitute of me. Yet I feel.. Something weird, something bad, something that makes me wanna cry, something that makes me wanna hide.

Or is it just envy. Enviousness is always far way better than jealousy. Envy makes me sorry, makes me red eye on others. Jealousy makes me ugly, makes me a loner.

It just reminds me of how we had been last time. How the exciting moment it is to see the newborn creatures. How happy we got and how worry you can be.

For that sake of pamper-ness I need, I kept seeking for it. I seek for it throughout the places I could have been. No matter in school, no matter at work. Just a tiny little concern, I will feel pampered. Then I will reject, I will show my attitude of I do not appreciate it. Because I am afraid. Because I fear to see depart again. I never want. I would never want it to be.

I cannot be like how they do. Thinking you need them, so they can show their sense of no-shame attitude. To eat yours and take yours. I would rather be on my own, I would rather we clear up our misunderstanding, I would rather you dis-acknowledge me.

Sick of being so. Though the truth is, I know I still love you. I know I still miss you. Even of such, I don't wanna depend much on you. I know I can do everything on my own. I know I am strong.

Because this is the Mui Ling everyone knows. I won't fall, don't you worry. Don't have to try to grab me.