I have to go back to coping studies and work again.
Sunday, July 4, 2010 @ 5:08 PM

I am not happy.

I am still not happy.

It's not because I don't know how to feel contented with what I have.

It's because what I need to have cannot be fulfilled.


When one is poor, all she thinks of is money, has the tendency to become materialistic.
When one is rich, all she thinks of is?? More bags, more shoes, more clothes, more parties, more guys, more bitches for high tea.


Money can't buy you happiness. But without money, you can't get happy.

I want to be happy.

If I am granted with a cosy little space, for me to sleep, for me to eat, for me to study.

Actually what I please for is very simple to fulfil in others' eyes, yet it is tough for me.


I have dogs, not like I can leave this haunted place anytime I like.
I am still studying, it's not easy to make money at the same time.



And gosh, Mr Lee told me not to worry about money. In other words, he is going to support me. Yesterday when I mentioned about my school fees ($110++), phone bills for 2 months ($130++), things I need to buy ($60).

He began feeling stressed up, using a very aggressive tone to answer me. And I knew he is stressing up. I didn't wanna push him further so I kept quiet and thought of a solution myself.


What more can I do other than coping studies and work again?


Yeah, maybe I should go back to how I was like last year. I coped both my studies and work, I cope until I almost want to give up, and always stressing on money. I swear I hate that feeling. I can't buy anything I like. I can only buy for a reason of "need".

Though it is going to be stressful, crying and tiring, I have no choice.


P.S. I am not saying Mr Lee is useless. He is a capable man who tries all ways to make me fortunate and happy. He is taking care of me inside out, both emotionally and physically. Whatever I have (which makes others misunderstand that I am some rich girl), is from Mr Lee. But if I were to rely on him fully, imagine how much things he has to carry on his shoulders?

再宽的肩膀，也抗不住太重的东西。
勉强，只会让肩膀受伤。