Not sure what I want. Not sure if I am going to continue as an Interior Designer. Nice title, bad job. I have phobia from the final year project. Worked for days and nights and went through all the work without resting; very very heavy pressure as though I was stepped on my head by the judgy ones; Eat at an irregular timing; No time for myself..... Just thinking of all these, my heart felt the weight, something is pushing it down. Immediately I feel like burying my head into the ground, like I am too ashamed, like my work was a disgrace, like a beggar asking for $1 from a rich person.

Do I really dislike Interior Design so much that I want to give up on it? Work is a combination of passion and money. I need money, but I think passion needs to overtake money. The 3 months rotting at home was not a waste. I rested for the first full month, the sleep and rest that I sacrificed in school and work. Then I thought it's time to start anew life and send my resume out, but I could not bring myself to touch the computer, I HATE facing it and stopped for a month plus. Until I suddenly recalled that I promised myself I would work hard once I graduate from school, I want to make my living area a better one, I want to make my room nice and clean. I started using autocad to plot the plan of my house, then plan the layout. I felt good, nobody will tell me what I need to do, nobody judges how I plan my house. I can do what I want and I think my planning was smart and thoughtful. I think I like Interior Design? I really like it? I want to make it my career and work for it? But I can't walk through the dark side I had been. Judgement? That inexperience lecturer who kept telling me my work is good but ended up shutting her gap up when someone experienced pointed out all my mistakes? I am trying to overcome my fear. I had enough facing idiot and yet have to treat it as my teacher.

Today, I was about to send out my resume to other types of jobs. Then I failed to do so again. Because I don't know what other jobs I want to take. Vet assistant? Zookeeper? Pet shop assistant? Pet trainer? All these need paper to prove that I can take the job. Then what other jobs will I be interested in? Sales that help earning commission?

Think and think and think, I think I have to stop thinking. Let actions speak. Try working before thinking. Ok?