Though our friendship has weakened, but I still miss you.

Our birthdays were always planned by each other and celebrated with our group of girls. Things got kind of different as we grew older. We felt strange and awkward to each other, like we never knew each other. But it's hard for us to let go of the past we shared, every little things in our lives reminded us of each other. How can we say we don't need each other anymore, just because we found another new friends that keep us entertained, new relationship that ties up our time.

That year, my birthday, we celebrated awkwardly. Nothing was really discussed between us. It just got planned that way she likes and silence was the only conversation we had.

That year, her birthday, I decided not to show up anymore. I bought her expensive gift and passed it to a friend to get it handed over to her. I don't know how she felt, I don't know if my absence made her sad, I don't know if she noticed my absence.

Every year, I decided to push away the awkward birthday celebration for myself. I used work, boyriend, family, animals in the house as my excuses to push away whatever celebration that she might get involved in. I don't know how she felt, I don't know if my reasons made her sad, I don't know if she noticed why my reasons were those.

Every year, I would buy expensive gift for her. I thought that would be the only thing that she is going to like, expensive and branded. Because things that we both used to like, don't seem to be what she likes anymore.

Year after year, I never attend any of her birthdays, only a secret gift from me handed over by our common friend to her.

This year, I stopped buying her gift. I just felt that it's pointless. It's not about the money, really, I can afford those gifts. Things did not improve over the years. She didn't bother to want me back in her life. I thought she does not need me anymore, all she needs is my expensive gift every year.

I thought, will she start to miss me as I stop giving her gift? Or will she start noticing that I stop giving her gift? Or, she just misses my expensive gift every year, no matter I am invited or not, my attendance was mandatory or not...