Start of 2016 Saturday, January 9, 2016 @ 1:18 AM
It's been awhile since I last blog.. I shall call this writing a journal and hope nobody reads it. I have a problem with keeping my account private, just don't find the need to.
A brand new year 2016, scary to know I am getting closer to meet 30 years old. Reading back my old posts, I laugh. My ideas have always been the same, wanting to achieve so much things. My whining is always the same as well, questioning about the only ex I have. Well I am glad I am not married to him anyway.
2015 was very full, I made the most achievement last year and I feel good about it. Happy that business is smooth, happy that a few companies approached me to assist their company design and renovation work, happy that I have made a new best friend, happy that my little sister has grown up so much understanding responsibility, happy that my mother is happy, happy that.. I have made up my mind not to carry on this 12 years relationship that has been taking away my spirit and soul, body and mind, colours and joy.
Moving forward, I slow down my pace in everything I do and learn to breathe. I think back of my goals when I was younger, and what exactly I want now when I am approaching 30. Back then, my thoughts about making more money has never changed, and everyone knows I want to buy a house of my own. That is not easy, but it's everyone's dream. Other than chasing the dream that I set for myself since teenage, I forgot to see what I have missed out in my life. I forgot to travel, forgot to explore, forgot to help my family...
I took a few days to think who I want to work hard for and who worth those efforts - my family. I want to take my mother to a country that snows, I want to take her to trips with me, I want to do a simple renovation for the house so that we can invite people to our house despite of the hoarding issue in the house, I want to help my family to see what is family support and teamwork, I want my mother to know she is getting old and deserves a break. Ever since I started dating, all in my mind was to get married, buy a house and raise my children. I was so small to look back that all these are stupid and immature thoughts. Why would I want to do so many things for myself and him? Why didn't I think I could have done more to help my mother my family? Each time I get hurt in my relationship, I always say "live for yourself". But how do we, human beings really live all for ourselves? Then I concluded yes we do live for ourselves to be strong enough to love people. Who am I to love when I don't even fix myself?
For now my goal this year would be.. Put work aside, I am really exhausted from last year, that can be discussed again. But my tiny little lovey goal will be doing a simple renovation for the house, ask the support from the whole family to contribute efforts in making the house clean and welcoming. I want to make time to travel to see the world that I have missed the last 24 years. Going Hong Kong on my 25 year old has totally got me blown away, makes me understand about the meaning to travel and see the world. I will still be thrifty and budget, travelling does not mean any luxuries. And I will continue to work hard, my dream to buy my own house will not change.
At the end of the day, I think everyone everything will just go back to where they came from, remembering their roots (family). Thank you god.
